whirlwinds

This past month has seemed to fly by, while I wasn't looking or paying attention. Come this friday it will have been 4 weeks since I've seen John and in some ways I can't believe the time has felt so short. But then there are the times when it feels like months since we have been together. The inevitable happened over the weekend: our first fight due to being separated. I was waiting for it, thought I was ready for it to happen and then be done so that "first" could be out of the way. And then it happened and all I could think was that fighting over the phone (through texts) sucked and that fighting in person was a whole lot easier. There is no such thing as tone in a text, and I'm waiting for someone to figure out how make that happen. In the end it was all worked out, but if we were not living in different states it can be assumed that said fight would not have occurred. But in all this time life has continued and not stayed stagnate. I returned to my job babysitting Daisy, and in ways it feels like I never left. My parents decided to find a different/better/larger house to rent (seeing as their house in Florence has yet to sell - maybe the people renting it will buy!) so the boxes are being pulled out. John and I talk everyday and he is slowly overcoming his dislike of talking on the phone. haha Overall life is par for the course.


Except for the fact that I have not seen John in almost 4 weeks. Now I get that all relationships are different, but there are differences to this long-distance relationship as opposed to my last one. I miss watching tv with John because of the random comments that would be made and all cuddling that would happen. In my last relationship, watching tv was an escape from talking to my ex and there was not a whole lot of cuddling that would happen. I hate being this far from John and as soon as we find a date I will start counting down until I get to see him again. This happened last fall also when we were apart during the week. That was not the case last time. There are so many more little things that I miss, like how his shoulder is the perfect pillow, that it would be impossible to list them all. For me this is a first, missing a person so much I could cry if I think about it too much.

All that has happened, all that I have felt over the past few weeks makes me wonder when I will catch my breath. I feel that break beginning now and lasting for all of a day before the next storm hits and once again I'm running to keep up with all that is going on around me. I have not even fully processed the fact that next April I will be at General Conference for 2 weeks, witnessing and maybe being a part of the process of changing and governing the United Methodist Church. I can't stand still and mope about my boyfriend being 6 hours away, because then I miss all the stuff that is going on here. But at the same time I can't help wishing some whirlwinds would stay away, leave me be, and give me time to miss him. But then tomorrow comes and it starts all over again. When I'm at the pool with Daisy, or trying to decide between applying for a full time job or going back to school I don't have the time to stop and cry over him not being here. So I keep going with the hope that one day there will be an end date and we will be together again. It is times like this when I think God gives us more than we can do in a day for our own good. Kind of like when we get sick, our body is telling us to stop and slow down. And I have had both happen this month, as I'm currently fighting a cold and yet had more to do today than I should have. Maybe the whirlwinds are a good thing, maybe this time apart is a good thing, or maybe I'm just trying to make it that way instead of wishing everything to be "normal" again. Back to the normal of coming home at night to John after working all day at the daycare, back to fixing dinner together and watching tv, back to having my perfect pillow in the shape of his shoulder, back before the whirlwinds hit and changed it all.