Wow, it has been a while since I wrote anything and many things have happened. I am officially all moved to Charleston (yay!) and have begun my job. I'm excited to be close to my friends and John, but it was a little sad to leave my parents. With this move I no longer live with them, and any time I go back it will be to visit and not to stay. It seems very fitting that this change happened at the end of the year because it is a literal turning of a page. December 2010 could be the best month from 2010. I graduated college, moved to Charleston, got a job and could not be happier about it all!
This new year will bring so many new chapters beginning with tonight. This will be the first New Years that I do not see my parents and ring in the new year with them. Lame I know but at the same time I am so close to my parents that I never really minded. Tomorrow I will not go to my grandparents and have a traditional New Years Day meal of collards (for money), black eyed peas (for good luck) and fat back (can never remember what it represents). But I get to start making my own traditions. Like taking down the Christmas tree before Epiphany and spending New Years Day doing nothing. I am excited to see what 2011 brings and hope that it will be better than 2010.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Busy week
This past week has been super busy! I graduated from the University of South Carolina (the REAL USC) on Monday, which would have made this a good week. But then Wednesday I signed all papers with the girl who will be sub-leasing my apartment, which would have made it a better week. But signing the papers happened after I have surgery to remove a ping-pong sized lump from my right breast and my recovery time has been like 2 hours after I got home that day. So that has made this a great week. But then Thursday my mom and I packed up my apartment so that Friday we could go shopping, both good things. And then today I got all moved out of my apartment so that the new girl can move in, a wonderful thing. But to top it all off I heard from Talbots in Mt Pleasant today and I now have a job!!! And to celebrate it all my parents, an aunt, uncle and cousin and myself went out to dinner. So this week has gone from good, to great, to wonderful, to just flat out one hell of a week.
I can't believe that this time a week ago I was in my apartment and now all my stuff is in storage waiting to be moved to Mt Pleasant. I can't wait to be down there, by all my friends. It seems that this week everything has just fallen into place and God has really done his thing. It has taken a LOT of faith to believe that everything would work out, and now that it has I wonder why I doubted. The other great thing that happened is that my mom got a job as well. She has been looking since August and finally got hired to mentor student athletes at USC. It is not her "dream job" but it is something and she is looking forward to it. So there you go. That has been my week. And now the next two weeks are going to be crazy! I go back to the doctor on Thursday to get my stitches out, Friday is Christmas Eve, Saturday is Christmas, I find out Monday when I start my job, and by next Monday I should be down in Mt Pleasant!
It seems hard to believe that all of that happened in less than seven days. This week has felt very long and yet it has flown by.
This time of year always makes me think of those who not as fortunate as I am, or my family. My parents have a house, that lacks some insulation but is warm none the less. We all have cars that work and get us where we need to go, and as of today we all have jobs. We have clothes that keep us warm, and we have many options as to what we want to wear. We can buy each other gifts for Christmas, travel to see family, and eat bountiful meals. We have so much to be thankful for that it seems pointless to complain about what we do not have. I wish that everyone would stop and take a moment to be thankful for what they have, instead of complaining about what they do not have. In this midst of all this wonderful stuff that has been going on for me and my family, I pray that others will receive good news and have a reason to celebrate.
I can't believe that this time a week ago I was in my apartment and now all my stuff is in storage waiting to be moved to Mt Pleasant. I can't wait to be down there, by all my friends. It seems that this week everything has just fallen into place and God has really done his thing. It has taken a LOT of faith to believe that everything would work out, and now that it has I wonder why I doubted. The other great thing that happened is that my mom got a job as well. She has been looking since August and finally got hired to mentor student athletes at USC. It is not her "dream job" but it is something and she is looking forward to it. So there you go. That has been my week. And now the next two weeks are going to be crazy! I go back to the doctor on Thursday to get my stitches out, Friday is Christmas Eve, Saturday is Christmas, I find out Monday when I start my job, and by next Monday I should be down in Mt Pleasant!
It seems hard to believe that all of that happened in less than seven days. This week has felt very long and yet it has flown by.
This time of year always makes me think of those who not as fortunate as I am, or my family. My parents have a house, that lacks some insulation but is warm none the less. We all have cars that work and get us where we need to go, and as of today we all have jobs. We have clothes that keep us warm, and we have many options as to what we want to wear. We can buy each other gifts for Christmas, travel to see family, and eat bountiful meals. We have so much to be thankful for that it seems pointless to complain about what we do not have. I wish that everyone would stop and take a moment to be thankful for what they have, instead of complaining about what they do not have. In this midst of all this wonderful stuff that has been going on for me and my family, I pray that others will receive good news and have a reason to celebrate.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Graduation
So I graduated today. Finally finished my undergrad degree, even though it seemed like it would never happen at times. My parents weren't sure at times either, but I couldn't blame them for that. Today was a good day, a day to be thankful and to celebrate. It definitely was time in my life that I had to have faith in order to get through. After transferring schools and failing far too many classes I should receive my diploma in the mail by March. And yet my father always has a way to bring it down.
He can forget so much, like what to get my mom for Christmas or how I did on a paper but he can hear somethings once and remember it forever. I made a comment about where John could stay over a month ago and he has clung to that like crazy. And yet just yesterday he was telling me that I make good decisions and that he knows I make good decisions. But that is not enough for him I guess and it sucks. He can't trust me about this. It sucks, but there is very little I can do about it. I'm thinking about writing him a letter or something because I can't just tell him all of this. So we will see. Maybe one day my dad will get off my back about somethings and learn that I can live my life and not completely screw it up.
He can forget so much, like what to get my mom for Christmas or how I did on a paper but he can hear somethings once and remember it forever. I made a comment about where John could stay over a month ago and he has clung to that like crazy. And yet just yesterday he was telling me that I make good decisions and that he knows I make good decisions. But that is not enough for him I guess and it sucks. He can't trust me about this. It sucks, but there is very little I can do about it. I'm thinking about writing him a letter or something because I can't just tell him all of this. So we will see. Maybe one day my dad will get off my back about somethings and learn that I can live my life and not completely screw it up.
Friday, December 3, 2010
the end of school, at least for now
By tonight I should be done with three of my four classes. All I will have left to do is take my one exam next Thursday and then I will be done with my undergraduate degree! It feels weird to be almost done with something that has taken four and a half years. It also means that I'm one step closer to moving to the Charleston and being closer to John. The other weird thing is not having a job yet. I always thought that when I graduated college I would have a job all lined up, ready for me to start as soon as I got my diploma. Or at least I would be getting married and that would be my focus. But neither of those are happening and I'm good with not getting married right now, I would like to know that I can work and support myself before I get married. But not having a job lined up is stressing me out. I know that there are many other college graduates going through the same thing and it sucks. My mom doesn't have a job right now, but it's not for a lack of trying on her part. She applies to jobs that she is qualified for but nothing is happening for her and it sucks to watch her go through that.
But here I am writing this post and not getting ready to go and finish a class (I hate astronomy). In a strange way I want to put it off for a bit longer, have homework that I need to do by Monday or something like that. Because when I finish my unit tests for astronomy and take my online exam all I will have left of my college career is one exam, and that is scary. For the first time I will not have to go back to class after Christmas, or get a week off in the spring. I will be in the "real" world and I am looking forward to it, but it can be scary. To have to pay your own bills with the help of parents, and to no longer live with them. For the first time my permanent address will not be the same as my parents. Ok I need to stop thinking about this, enjoy the freedom that I have this next week, cheer on my Gamecocks in the SEC championship game and finish my college career.
But here I am writing this post and not getting ready to go and finish a class (I hate astronomy). In a strange way I want to put it off for a bit longer, have homework that I need to do by Monday or something like that. Because when I finish my unit tests for astronomy and take my online exam all I will have left of my college career is one exam, and that is scary. For the first time I will not have to go back to class after Christmas, or get a week off in the spring. I will be in the "real" world and I am looking forward to it, but it can be scary. To have to pay your own bills with the help of parents, and to no longer live with them. For the first time my permanent address will not be the same as my parents. Ok I need to stop thinking about this, enjoy the freedom that I have this next week, cheer on my Gamecocks in the SEC championship game and finish my college career.
Monday, November 29, 2010
feeling a bit down
Ever have one of those days when one little thing can turn it all around? A phone call, a conversation, realizing you forgot to do something. Well today turned into one of those days for me, without any warning. I got to babysit Daisy today, for the first time in two weeks, I got boxes to begin packing my apartment, even heard from two potential jobs. Everything was going well. Until the girl who was supposed to sub-let my apartment let me know that she would be unable to at this point. So I am back at square one with my apartment for the second time. And when I let my parents know, my dad flipped out at me for taking my name off the sub-leasing list last week and made me cry. And when I called to talk to my boyfriend he didn't pick up the phone the first time and after talking to me for less than 10min hung up to call his best friend. So I guess he didn't get that I was upset and would have liked to talk to him longer. Oh well. He claims that he will call me back, but I will be surprised if I get more than a 30sec goodnight call.
So there is it, today is one of those days when I just feel down and would rather run away from it all and start over somewhere. I don't get the point of going on the way things are and maybe if I could go somewhere where no one knew me it would be better. A nice, small town on the coast of Georgia that you can only get to from a two lane road. What do you think? Sound good? Should I do it? Just leave it all behind and go off to a little town in the middle of nowhere?
So there is it, today is one of those days when I just feel down and would rather run away from it all and start over somewhere. I don't get the point of going on the way things are and maybe if I could go somewhere where no one knew me it would be better. A nice, small town on the coast of Georgia that you can only get to from a two lane road. What do you think? Sound good? Should I do it? Just leave it all behind and go off to a little town in the middle of nowhere?
Monday, November 22, 2010
aggravations
So this post is about things that aggravate me. Like how you can empty the trash only for it to be full a day later. Seriously, why does it fill up so fast? And the annoying sound my tv makes when it's off, which causes me to leave it on more than I should. But those are little things compared to others.
Like when a friend won't call you back. You call and leave a message, follow it up with a text a few days later, maybe a facebook message a few days after that. But you get nothing in response. Now this friend has always done this and it's one of those things that you either don't focus on or it will ruin your friendship. Usually it doesn't bother, I know it's just one of her quirks and it's nothing personal against me. She does this to other people and they too mention it occasionally. But there are times when it does suck. The weekend I got engaged I called her 10 times before leaving her a message telling her what happened. Now that was not how I wanted to tell my maid of honor. But there are times when she does come through, like the weekend after I ended my engagement and she let me come up and visit her, no questions asked. She and I are in a constant cycle of not talking, and then speaking everyday. It has been like that since we went to college. Now I'm trying to find out if she would want to share an apartment with me, and I can't get an answer. I am not overwhelming her with calls and texts and the like, but I would like to talk to my best friend.
*as a disclaimer I am NOT trashing her in any way. I love this girl like a sister, but she does have annoying habits just like I'm sure I do as well
Like when a friend won't call you back. You call and leave a message, follow it up with a text a few days later, maybe a facebook message a few days after that. But you get nothing in response. Now this friend has always done this and it's one of those things that you either don't focus on or it will ruin your friendship. Usually it doesn't bother, I know it's just one of her quirks and it's nothing personal against me. She does this to other people and they too mention it occasionally. But there are times when it does suck. The weekend I got engaged I called her 10 times before leaving her a message telling her what happened. Now that was not how I wanted to tell my maid of honor. But there are times when she does come through, like the weekend after I ended my engagement and she let me come up and visit her, no questions asked. She and I are in a constant cycle of not talking, and then speaking everyday. It has been like that since we went to college. Now I'm trying to find out if she would want to share an apartment with me, and I can't get an answer. I am not overwhelming her with calls and texts and the like, but I would like to talk to my best friend.
*as a disclaimer I am NOT trashing her in any way. I love this girl like a sister, but she does have annoying habits just like I'm sure I do as well
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
ramblings
Sadly I have come to realize something. I have lost one of my best friends. She and I have not spoken in three weeks and I do not see that changing any time soon. She and I shared an apartment for two years, and would talk almost daily and now we don't talk at all. She has no idea that I have been sick, or that I have found someone to sublet my apartment or that I have really begun to look at places to live in Mount Pleasant. All the signs were there that she and I would eventually grow apart, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. All we really had in common was the fact that we shared an apartment. We do not have any other friends in common, we do not take the same classes, and there is very little chance that we will ever live near each other again. It saddens me that I no longer have that friendship, but I became the only one making an effort to keep it alive. So I stopped and now there is very little there to keep us as friends.
I really noticed it back in august when school started again. Her birthday was the week before school started and I did everything I could to make it a good day for her. I spent $160 on pedicures for her and I, bought her drinks the night before when we went out, and went out to dinner with her and few other people. In total I spent over $200 on her birthday. I got a $20 hair straightener for my birthday, and even then it was three weeks late and I had to badger her for it. That was the last time she and I spoke at all. I know that I was more stand-offish to her than I had ever been before and that was because I knew that she was only getting me a gift because she felt obligated to. That is not a good feeling, to know that someone thinks they are obligated to be your friend or get you something.
Which is why I am officially calling this friendship dead, we are now people who used to be close. We might speak every now and then, to share good news, but probably nothing more than that. And eventually we will stop doing even that. Now I will say that it is not too late to revive this friendship. All it would take is a simple phone call or visit from her, some form of effort on her part now that I am done making all the effort. But I do not expect it, and I have come to accept that my closest friends are John, Ricky, Anna-Weston, Aly people who I have known for a while or love more than life itself. And I am ok with that, I know that my friendships with them have lasted for years and that I will not lose them. Now my dilemma is if I want to post the link to this blog on my facebook page. I'm not sure if I want my friends to see this, but I really don't mind people I have never met reading this. Strange how that works, isn't it?
I really noticed it back in august when school started again. Her birthday was the week before school started and I did everything I could to make it a good day for her. I spent $160 on pedicures for her and I, bought her drinks the night before when we went out, and went out to dinner with her and few other people. In total I spent over $200 on her birthday. I got a $20 hair straightener for my birthday, and even then it was three weeks late and I had to badger her for it. That was the last time she and I spoke at all. I know that I was more stand-offish to her than I had ever been before and that was because I knew that she was only getting me a gift because she felt obligated to. That is not a good feeling, to know that someone thinks they are obligated to be your friend or get you something.
Which is why I am officially calling this friendship dead, we are now people who used to be close. We might speak every now and then, to share good news, but probably nothing more than that. And eventually we will stop doing even that. Now I will say that it is not too late to revive this friendship. All it would take is a simple phone call or visit from her, some form of effort on her part now that I am done making all the effort. But I do not expect it, and I have come to accept that my closest friends are John, Ricky, Anna-Weston, Aly people who I have known for a while or love more than life itself. And I am ok with that, I know that my friendships with them have lasted for years and that I will not lose them. Now my dilemma is if I want to post the link to this blog on my facebook page. I'm not sure if I want my friends to see this, but I really don't mind people I have never met reading this. Strange how that works, isn't it?
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Things I thought I would never do
Tonight I realized that I am doing things in my life I never thought I would. I am currently watching a pro-football game, something that I have never done voluntarily before. The reason I'm watching this game is because my boyfriend (John) is a true Colts fan. He is in Mt Pleasant and I'm watching the game by myself! Ask my parents if I would ever watch a pro game on my own and they probably would have laughed at you for even suggesting it. I used to claim that I hated pro football and would never watch a game unless I was forced to.
Well I've been told to never say never because one day you will probably do what you said you would never do. I also used to think that I would never fly alone. I figured I would also be traveling with someone else, and thus never travel alone. Well this week marks two years of flying by myself to meetings. All of this is to really say that things are changing in my life and that I'm ok with it.
Well I've been told to never say never because one day you will probably do what you said you would never do. I also used to think that I would never fly alone. I figured I would also be traveling with someone else, and thus never travel alone. Well this week marks two years of flying by myself to meetings. All of this is to really say that things are changing in my life and that I'm ok with it.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Travel
So.... here begins a month of flying to Nashville for meetings. I am sitting in the airport in Charlotte waiting for my flight that doesn't leave for another hour. And I get to do this two more time this month. I will be back here next Wednesday, and then the following Tuesday. Oh joy.
One day I would like to go to Nashville and see Music Row, the Grand Ole Opery, go out to small little bars and hear the local talent. Simply put, I want to see Nashville. I have been many times in the past two years, but each time I was in meetings the whole time and thus I have seen more of the Sharedon at the Opery and the GCFA headquarters than anything else. In fact I could probably make my way around said hotel without any assistance, but they do have comfy beds.
I had the chance to see Nashville many moons ago when I was on a trip across this great country with my parents. But I was informed that we did not have time to stop and look around the home of country music, but not to worry we were going to stop in Memphis to see Elvis. Ugh! I was so frustrated, but I was told that I would make it back one day. When I was appointed to GCFA and found out that I would be going to Nashville many times over the next four years, my dad pointed out that I would now get to go to Nashville. Well he was technically right, but I have yet to see any of it.
All of this is to say that I'm tired of traveling to a city I never see that is filled with wonderful treasures. So maybe one day I will get to go to Nashville and see what that city is all about.
One day I would like to go to Nashville and see Music Row, the Grand Ole Opery, go out to small little bars and hear the local talent. Simply put, I want to see Nashville. I have been many times in the past two years, but each time I was in meetings the whole time and thus I have seen more of the Sharedon at the Opery and the GCFA headquarters than anything else. In fact I could probably make my way around said hotel without any assistance, but they do have comfy beds.
I had the chance to see Nashville many moons ago when I was on a trip across this great country with my parents. But I was informed that we did not have time to stop and look around the home of country music, but not to worry we were going to stop in Memphis to see Elvis. Ugh! I was so frustrated, but I was told that I would make it back one day. When I was appointed to GCFA and found out that I would be going to Nashville many times over the next four years, my dad pointed out that I would now get to go to Nashville. Well he was technically right, but I have yet to see any of it.
All of this is to say that I'm tired of traveling to a city I never see that is filled with wonderful treasures. So maybe one day I will get to go to Nashville and see what that city is all about.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Thing's I'm loving
Just a short post about things I'm loving today...
1) cooler weather, so I can bust out my awesome sweaters!
2) the start of the holiday season, Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is on the way and I'm so ready to decorate a tree!
3) being so close to finishing my undergrad degree
4) spending time with great friends over the weekend celebrating Halloween
5) looking forward to some great weekends coming up!
It is really not taking much to get me in a good mood these days, just ask my boyfriend. I'm overly perky right now and it may be freaking him out just a bit. haha. Oh and one more thing I'm loving today, my boyfriend (John) dressed up as the little kid from the movie UP. He was adorable, in his boyscout uniform with the balloons tied to his backpack! I will post a pic as soon as I get one (I wasn't taking pics this past weekend).
1) cooler weather, so I can bust out my awesome sweaters!
2) the start of the holiday season, Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is on the way and I'm so ready to decorate a tree!
3) being so close to finishing my undergrad degree
4) spending time with great friends over the weekend celebrating Halloween
5) looking forward to some great weekends coming up!
It is really not taking much to get me in a good mood these days, just ask my boyfriend. I'm overly perky right now and it may be freaking him out just a bit. haha. Oh and one more thing I'm loving today, my boyfriend (John) dressed up as the little kid from the movie UP. He was adorable, in his boyscout uniform with the balloons tied to his backpack! I will post a pic as soon as I get one (I wasn't taking pics this past weekend).
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The little one I babysit
Two days a week I get to hang out with one of my favorite people. She is not very talkative, and can be slow to get around sometimes but she is so much fun. The person I'm talking about is the 1 year old I babysit on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Her name is Daisy and she makes my weeks so much better and I look forward to my time with her. I have been babysitting her since June and I am kind of sad that I will graduate in December and move away from her.
But the best part has been watching her grow and become this little person with her own personality. She loves the color blue and anything she can carry around. Her newest favorite toy is the ball that came with the large play kitchen she got for her birthday. Now she does enjoy the kitchen as well, but the blue ball that came with it has traveled all over the house and back. The biggest change has been to watch her master walking and the new freedom that comes with it. She toddles (I now understand what that means haha) around the house like a pro. Two weeks ago she would take like 5 steps and fall down, but yesterday she walked from the kitchen to the front door, down the foyer and into the den without falling once. She has also begun to talk more. It's nothing that can be understood, but she talks up a storm in her own language. It makes me sad that I will not witness her learning to really speak.
Over the summer I would get to spend all day with her, from 9am to 5pm, and it was so much fun. But once school started for both of us my time with her was cut down to afternoons. Now it is nice to have that time to do some homework, but making her laugh and watching her grow is much more rewarding. My boyfriend doesn't understand the wonder of children, especially babies, but then I think that most men don't get it until they have a child. I tip my hat off to all stay-at-home moms because I know that it is hard to do and that most days things are left undone. But you get the experience of being there with your child everyday as they learn and grow into the person they are meant to be.
I would like to think that all of my babysitting experience (all 13years of it) may have prepared me to be a parent to some degree. But I know that it is impossible to ever know all that goes into it until you are one. I want to be a stay-at-home mom for my kids, when I have them. But more than that, I don't want to miss out on my child's first steps or words. I want to be there when it happens, and not have someone else tell me about it when I get off of work. Now I know that it might not be possible for me to stay home and not work, but in my perfect world it will be.
But the best part has been watching her grow and become this little person with her own personality. She loves the color blue and anything she can carry around. Her newest favorite toy is the ball that came with the large play kitchen she got for her birthday. Now she does enjoy the kitchen as well, but the blue ball that came with it has traveled all over the house and back. The biggest change has been to watch her master walking and the new freedom that comes with it. She toddles (I now understand what that means haha) around the house like a pro. Two weeks ago she would take like 5 steps and fall down, but yesterday she walked from the kitchen to the front door, down the foyer and into the den without falling once. She has also begun to talk more. It's nothing that can be understood, but she talks up a storm in her own language. It makes me sad that I will not witness her learning to really speak.
Over the summer I would get to spend all day with her, from 9am to 5pm, and it was so much fun. But once school started for both of us my time with her was cut down to afternoons. Now it is nice to have that time to do some homework, but making her laugh and watching her grow is much more rewarding. My boyfriend doesn't understand the wonder of children, especially babies, but then I think that most men don't get it until they have a child. I tip my hat off to all stay-at-home moms because I know that it is hard to do and that most days things are left undone. But you get the experience of being there with your child everyday as they learn and grow into the person they are meant to be.
I would like to think that all of my babysitting experience (all 13years of it) may have prepared me to be a parent to some degree. But I know that it is impossible to ever know all that goes into it until you are one. I want to be a stay-at-home mom for my kids, when I have them. But more than that, I don't want to miss out on my child's first steps or words. I want to be there when it happens, and not have someone else tell me about it when I get off of work. Now I know that it might not be possible for me to stay home and not work, but in my perfect world it will be.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
My heart
Back in February I thought that my heart was so broken that it would take years to mend. I had just called off my engagement three months before my wedding, the same day that my wedding dress and all the bridesmaid dresses came into the bridal shop. I could not begin to express my sorrow at this turn of events. I went from planning my wedding the week before to having to tell most of my friends and family that there was going to be no wedding. There were milestones that I was supposed to be passing and I wasn't and that hurt. And yet it didn't hurt to see one my closest friends getting married only two weeks before I was supposed to. I helped her the week before her wedding and never once did I resent her or want to have what she was having because I knew that what I had done was the right thing.
Marrying my ex-fiance would have been the worst mistake of my life and I so glad that my parents opened my eyes to that. He was slowly taking my life away from me and making it so that there was no one outside of him that I could turn to, including my family. For over a year he made me feel like if I put anything, including my education, before him that I was being selfish. That if I went out with friends or my parents without him, that I was trying to exclude him from parts of my life. He got upset if I didn't want to spend every waking moment with him, and he didn't understand that I needed time to myself. So I began to consciously lie to him about what I was doing, even about the small things like going on facebook. I knew long before I broke things off with him that I didn't really want to be with him. But I kept thinking that if I just held off until the wedding, just stayed with him until we were married, that it would all get better; that he would change and that we would be a couple who did things with other couples and not just stay home all the time. But I wasn't sure if I could ever find that in another man, for some reason I thought that a relationship like that was all that I could find. I don't know why I thought that now.
Because my broken heart has been healed by a wonderful man, who loves me and treats me like I deserve. I'm not sure if I found him, if he found me, or if we found each other through some grace of God. But it doesn't matter to me, as long as we found each other. Our first date was amazing, like something out of a dream (or at least it was to me!). We spent a whole day walking around downtown Charleston, I showed him a new place in Mt. Pleasant and we just talked the whole time. He didn't try to hold my hand (even though I wanted him to haha) or put his arm around me, we just walked and talked about everything under the sun. It was amazing. And when I finally had to leave he made his move (finally!) and kissed me. It was the best first kiss I had ever had. I forgot about everything around us and was completely focused on me and him and the way he was making me feel. I still can't believe how wonderful it was, and that he chose me.
I love this man more than I could ever say and I knew from our first date that I was going to marry him. He has put me back together, taken away my hurt, and healed my broken heart. He taught me to trust again, when I thought I would never be able to again. He showed me what true love is, and how amazing it is to give and receive it, but mostly what it means to be in love. Eight months after my heart was broken to the point that I wondered if it would every be whole again I have found a man who has taken all of my hurt and broken-ness and turned it into the most amazing love. Me heart is whole again, and so full of love!
Marrying my ex-fiance would have been the worst mistake of my life and I so glad that my parents opened my eyes to that. He was slowly taking my life away from me and making it so that there was no one outside of him that I could turn to, including my family. For over a year he made me feel like if I put anything, including my education, before him that I was being selfish. That if I went out with friends or my parents without him, that I was trying to exclude him from parts of my life. He got upset if I didn't want to spend every waking moment with him, and he didn't understand that I needed time to myself. So I began to consciously lie to him about what I was doing, even about the small things like going on facebook. I knew long before I broke things off with him that I didn't really want to be with him. But I kept thinking that if I just held off until the wedding, just stayed with him until we were married, that it would all get better; that he would change and that we would be a couple who did things with other couples and not just stay home all the time. But I wasn't sure if I could ever find that in another man, for some reason I thought that a relationship like that was all that I could find. I don't know why I thought that now.
Because my broken heart has been healed by a wonderful man, who loves me and treats me like I deserve. I'm not sure if I found him, if he found me, or if we found each other through some grace of God. But it doesn't matter to me, as long as we found each other. Our first date was amazing, like something out of a dream (or at least it was to me!). We spent a whole day walking around downtown Charleston, I showed him a new place in Mt. Pleasant and we just talked the whole time. He didn't try to hold my hand (even though I wanted him to haha) or put his arm around me, we just walked and talked about everything under the sun. It was amazing. And when I finally had to leave he made his move (finally!) and kissed me. It was the best first kiss I had ever had. I forgot about everything around us and was completely focused on me and him and the way he was making me feel. I still can't believe how wonderful it was, and that he chose me.
I love this man more than I could ever say and I knew from our first date that I was going to marry him. He has put me back together, taken away my hurt, and healed my broken heart. He taught me to trust again, when I thought I would never be able to again. He showed me what true love is, and how amazing it is to give and receive it, but mostly what it means to be in love. Eight months after my heart was broken to the point that I wondered if it would every be whole again I have found a man who has taken all of my hurt and broken-ness and turned it into the most amazing love. Me heart is whole again, and so full of love!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
College football
If there is anything that might test your faith it's football. For three months a year I am a total football fanatic, to the point that fall saturdays are meant for college football and very little else. But if your team is losing then it's hard to keep your faith sometimes. I am a Clemson and a South Carolina fan and as weird as that may seem there are more of us than people think. Last year Clemson made it to the ACC Championship game but are only 3-3 this year. Carolina barely made it to a bowl game last year and are 4-2 this season. I have sat through the 0-11 season at Carolina and the 2-9 season at Clemson, so I know what's it like to almost lose your faith in your team. But this year is really testing it because both teams have talent and good coaches, but they are not really capitalizing on it. That may be the most frustrating thing to watch.
But I still watch the games, and go when I can because no matter what they are my teams.
But I still watch the games, and go when I can because no matter what they are my teams.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
New to all of this
Why is it so important for people to say they have faith? What is it about those two words that can make people believe that anything will be ok?
I have uttered those words, or thought them to myself countless times over the past few months. As if simply having faith would get me through my most recent valley of the shadows. And yet I do not know if I would have gotten through the past months with out those words. To me having faith is the same things as God's plan for us or understanding that God knows everything and good will come from the bad. If someone had asked me six months ago if my life would be anything close to what it is now I would have said no. I was still hurting from breaking off my engagement and was not sure how long it would take to get over that hurt.
But I had faith that it would all work out. And in May I met the man who healed my broken heart and spirit and helped me to see that it will all be ok again. I was one credit short of graduating college six months ago, and now I will graduate with credits to spare, because I had faith that it would work out. All of this may seem small but to me they were the biggest things in my life, and will probably shape the rest of my life in ways that I do not know. Simply because I have faith.
So here is it, almost midnight as I wait for my phone to finish updating and I'm beginning my first attempt at a blog. Love it, hate it, never comment, say what ever you want to but I hope that maybe someone will read it.
I have uttered those words, or thought them to myself countless times over the past few months. As if simply having faith would get me through my most recent valley of the shadows. And yet I do not know if I would have gotten through the past months with out those words. To me having faith is the same things as God's plan for us or understanding that God knows everything and good will come from the bad. If someone had asked me six months ago if my life would be anything close to what it is now I would have said no. I was still hurting from breaking off my engagement and was not sure how long it would take to get over that hurt.
But I had faith that it would all work out. And in May I met the man who healed my broken heart and spirit and helped me to see that it will all be ok again. I was one credit short of graduating college six months ago, and now I will graduate with credits to spare, because I had faith that it would work out. All of this may seem small but to me they were the biggest things in my life, and will probably shape the rest of my life in ways that I do not know. Simply because I have faith.
So here is it, almost midnight as I wait for my phone to finish updating and I'm beginning my first attempt at a blog. Love it, hate it, never comment, say what ever you want to but I hope that maybe someone will read it.
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