ramblings

Sadly I have come to realize something. I have lost one of my best friends. She and I have not spoken in three weeks and I do not see that changing any time soon. She and I shared an apartment for two years, and would talk almost daily and now we don't talk at all. She has no idea that I have been sick, or that I have found someone to sublet my apartment or that I have really begun to look at places to live in Mount Pleasant. All the signs were there that she and I would eventually grow apart, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. All we really had in common was the fact that we shared an apartment. We do not have any other friends in common, we do not take the same classes, and there is very little chance that we will ever live near each other again. It saddens me that I no longer have that friendship, but I became the only one making an effort to keep it alive. So I stopped and now there is very little there to keep us as friends.

I really noticed it back in august when school started again. Her birthday was the week before school started and I did everything I could to make it a good day for her. I spent $160 on pedicures for her and I, bought her drinks the night before when we went out, and went out to dinner with her and few other people. In total I spent over $200 on her birthday. I got a $20 hair straightener for my birthday, and even then it was three weeks late and I had to badger her for it. That was the last time she and I spoke at all. I know that I was more stand-offish to her than I had ever been before and that was because I knew that she was only getting me a gift because she felt obligated to. That is not a good feeling, to know that someone thinks they are obligated to be your friend or get you something.

Which is why I am officially calling this friendship dead, we are now people who used to be close. We might speak every now and then, to share good news, but probably nothing more than that. And eventually we will stop doing even that. Now I will say that it is not too late to revive this friendship. All it would take is a simple phone call or visit from her, some form of effort on her part now that I am done making all the effort. But I do not expect it, and I have come to accept that my closest friends are John, Ricky, Anna-Weston, Aly people who I have known for a  while or love more than life itself. And I am ok with that, I know that my friendships with them have lasted for years and that I will not lose them. Now my dilemma is if I want to post the link to this blog on my facebook page. I'm not sure if I want my friends to see this, but I really don't mind people I have never met reading this. Strange how that works, isn't it?