My heart

Back in February I thought that my heart was so broken that it would take years to mend. I had just called off my engagement three months before my wedding, the same day that my wedding dress and all the bridesmaid dresses came into the bridal shop. I could not begin to express my sorrow at this turn of events. I went from planning my wedding the week before to having to tell most of my friends and family that there was going to be no wedding. There were milestones that I was supposed to be passing and I wasn't and that hurt. And yet it didn't hurt to see one my closest friends getting married only two weeks before I was supposed to. I helped her the week before her wedding and never once did I resent her or want to have what she was having because I knew that what I had done was the right thing. 

Marrying my ex-fiance would have been the worst mistake of my life and I so glad that my parents opened my eyes to that. He was slowly taking my life away from me and making it so that there was no one outside of him that I could turn to, including my family. For over a year he made me feel like if I put anything, including my education, before him that I was being selfish. That if I went out with friends or my parents without him, that I was trying to exclude him from parts of my life. He got upset if I didn't want to spend every waking moment with him, and he didn't understand that I needed time to myself. So I began to consciously lie to him about what I was doing, even about the small things like going on facebook. I knew long before I broke things off with him that I didn't really want to be with him. But I kept thinking that if I just held off until the wedding, just stayed with him until we were married, that it would all get better; that he would change and that we would be a couple who did things with other couples and not just stay home all the time. But I wasn't sure if I could ever find that in another man, for some reason I thought that a relationship like that was all that I could find. I don't know why I thought that now.

Because my broken heart has been healed by a wonderful man, who loves me and treats me like I deserve. I'm not sure if I found him, if he found me, or if we found each other through some grace of God. But it doesn't matter to me, as long as we found each other. Our first date was amazing, like something out of a dream (or at least it was to me!). We spent a whole day walking around downtown Charleston, I showed him a new place in Mt. Pleasant and we just talked the whole time. He didn't try to hold my hand (even though I wanted him to haha) or put his arm around me, we just walked and talked about everything under the sun. It was amazing. And when I finally had to leave he made his move (finally!) and kissed me. It was the best first kiss I had ever had. I forgot about everything around us and was completely focused on me and him and the way he was making me feel. I still can't believe how wonderful it was, and that he chose me.

I love this man more than I could ever say and I knew from our first date that I was going to marry him. He has put me back together, taken away my hurt, and healed my broken heart. He taught me to trust again, when I thought I would never be able to again. He showed me what true love is, and how amazing it is to give and receive it, but mostly what it means to be in love. Eight months after my heart was broken to the point that I wondered if it would every be whole again I have found a man who has taken all of my hurt and broken-ness and turned it into the most amazing love. Me heart is whole again, and so full of love!